Archbishop Jonathan Blake

The Most Reverend Jonathan Blake, Presiding Archbishop of the Open Episcopal Church B.A. (Hons), Dip. Pastoral Studies. Mobile: 07767 687711 www.bishopjonathanblake.com archbishopjonathanblake@gmail.com www.openepiscopalchurch.org The Church is a member of The International Council of Community churches and the World Council of Churches. Married and a proud Dad.

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Location: London, Kent, United Kingdom

Gassed Tehran, seized Kabul, helped Mother Teresa, funded TB hospital, priest 1981, went Auschwitz, wrote on Parliament, convicted, began 1st inter-faith NHS chapel, 12 yrs Anglican cleric/vicar - left, baptised 1000's in homes/Mt Snowdon/at circus, wedding underwater, wrote ‘For God’s Sake Don’t Go To Church’, nailed 95 Theses 2 Canterbury cathedral, arrested, co-founded the Society for Independent Ministry, consecrated a bishop, co-founded the Open Episcopal Church, did 1st gay wedding on morning TV, sued Associated Newspapers, co-consecrated 1st women bishops 4 England,Wales,Scotland, accommodated the homeless, posted Mass/took it 2 sex workers, elected Archbishop, arrested 4 climbing with sons,founded ‘When No One’s Watching',made ICV, did Jade Goody's wedding,invited 2 Downing St, wrote 'That Old Devil Called God Again', conviction 4 campaigning against child abuse quashed on appeal, convicted 4 successful blogging 2 stop paedophile. His Christmas Lights raising £79,000 4 Water in 4 Gambian villages. Published "The Tales of Henry the Lovable Hedgehog", the SAFE New Testament + Psalms + radical Book of Common Prayer, ordained priests for UK,US,Thailand,Spain,Ireland

Friday, February 14, 2014

SAID SATAN THESE HUMANS ARE DELICIOUSLY STUPID

Said Demon,

This Jesus guy is trouble.

He doesn't keep the rules. He speaks the truth. He shatters those safe religious beliefs we so carefully put in place.

Says Satan,

He's slipped up though. Was stressed, not thinking perhaps, too full of wine . He took this bun, tore it,  passed it round.  Said when you eat together, when I've gone, cos the shits soon going to hit big style, remember me yea...

Said Demon,

So where's the glitch?

Said Satan,

I'm automating the system. I can see it now. Oh I'm gonna make that bun into millions of tiny confetti wafers that I'm gonna scatter around the world.

I can see queues of brainwashed humans with their hands stretched out believing that our fellow workers have bagged the access to Jesus, that they keep him in jail in their churches and distribute him to their robotic devotees.

Said Demon,

But it won't work, even humans aren't that gullible surely.

Said Satan,

Oh but they are, so deliciously stupid. Let me show you just how stupid Demon.

Let the fingers that pass over these wafer bits of Jesus be covered in distress.

Said Demon,

What do you mean?

Said Satan,

Let's force our fellow workers to be celibate. Let's ensure they are scourged by loneliness and frustration, that their humanity is deprived. Let's drive them wild with need so that they prey upon the children, beat them, and sexually abuse them. Let's allow their only intimacy to be with each other, so that they can scurry to dark corners for intercourse. Oh yes, and for those who can't keep our contorted rules and have affairs that lead to pregnancy, let them pay for the abortions and issue the threats of divine judgement should any of their women spill the beans as they have their seed.

Said Demon,

But the people will surely stop queuing for Mass when all this is discovered.

Said Satan,

Oh you have much to learn. Even if the fingers of the priests have the semen of their abuse, the faeces from their intercourse or the blood of abortions on them, they will still come, because the priests have the body of Jesus under lock and key and the gullible are desperate to get him. So gullible in fact that they won't allow the police near to investigate.

Said Demon,

But it's too obvious a lie. People won't swallow it.

Said Satan,

They will be coming to swallow it in their droves.

Said Demon,

But why when Jesus isn't there.

Said Satan,

When God visits no one realises, except just a very few, a very annoying few, but no worry, we can make sure they are always branded trouble makers, blasphemers, satanists and get them crucified.....




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